That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
