I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
