he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
