This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
