Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
