So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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