The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
