Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
