I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
