So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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