just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
