He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
