I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
