Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
