Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
