JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
