someone threw a dead crab at me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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