You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just high enough for therapy.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
