Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
