I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
