You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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