we're blogging at a bar
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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