He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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