I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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