i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He felt like a one man threesome
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize