Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
