About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
