i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
