I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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