I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
