Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
