I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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