I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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