Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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