omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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