Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
