I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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