I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
