Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just found puke in my bra..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
