butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
