My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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