A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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