ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
