I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
