I met the friendliest cop last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
