he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he thought i was a dude.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
