soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
