If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
