so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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