I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
