She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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