Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
