What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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