WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
