Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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