do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
