All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize