I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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