The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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