idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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