go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
