Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
