Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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