just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
