Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
50% drunk capacity currently
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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