Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
