Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
