dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
