Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
