i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
