Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
