Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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