She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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