i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
